Today this advice was given to me: "concentrate on who you're being not what you're doing." These are the words spoken to me by Marietta. She is an intern at Awhina Teina, a home that houses young prostitute girls who want to change their lives around. Marietta is 19 but spoke words of such great wisdom that I've been thinking on them all day. At times I feel as though my worth is very works-based. I know that I cannot get myself to heaven; I know that the Lord Jesus Christ is the only one who can get me there, but it seems at times that if I just did more, than I would be more worthy of His sacrifice. I can get so down on myself because I am not doing enough, or not reaching enough people, not DOING something enough. Do you ever feel that way? The Lord has been showing me that who I am depends on who
He is, my worth is based on
His worth.  As I was talking with Marietta about missions in general and this mission trip in specific I told her how my views of missions before I came to New Zealand were very idealized. See, I thought that every day on the mission field would be full of great wonders and bringing people to the Lord. When that doesn't happen I begin to feel as though I'm not DOING something right, I'm not loving the Lord enough, I'm not following Him close enough, I just haven't got it right. The Lord is screaming at me, "JUST LOVE ME! Desire me because I am the fulfillment of your joy! Serve me because you want to make me happy, not because you're supposed to be doing these things." Ouch, how often do I serve the Lord out of duty? How often is our "mission trip" about what we accomplish? Yet the Lord really just wants us to concentrate on who we're becoming in Him. As Marietta and I continued discussing this venture of concentrating on who we are being rather than what we're doing, she pointed out that when it's about who you are, it doesn't matter anymore what you're doing. If you know you are pleasing God then your action could be the greatest thing in the world's eyes or the smallest, most disgusting thing to the world. The great thing is, it wouldn't matter any more or less to you because you're concentrating on who you're being, not what you're doing! I still do not think I have my mind totally around this idea, but it is proving more and more heart changing. What if I let it all go - all my actions, all my expectations, all my _______ (insert whatever it is that I want to accomplish) - and allowed my focus to be on God and who I was being/becoming in Him? What a difference each day would make to the world because for one, it would be completely focused on someone else, and two, I would be free to be the true servant the Lord has set me out to be. I would not be worried that my actions were not fulfilling enough duties to prove myself useful...I would be content in the Lord. What a nice place that would be, or shall I say, will be. The great thing is, the Lord is always looking to us to turn to Him. He's just waiting for me to turn my face towards Him and in my heart cry out, "Father, give me your Spirit to help me concentrate on who I'm being rather than what I'm doing. Let me just LOVE YOU!" And now that is what I shall go and do...turn my face to the Lord and let my heart cry out to Him.